Who should obey Whom ?

Are husbands & wives equal partners in family life? Who should obey whom? Bible says wife should obey husband. Modern world says we are equal. Sometimes wives earn more please explain?

My answer to these questions is only for those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Savior because this dilemma is found among women of this “modern world”. Some major stumbling blocks for emergence of such questions is given below: When I earn more why should I obey? Why should I share my pay with him? He should manage the house with his money? What is wrong if I have a secret Bank Account? Why should I reveal my pay to him? I have a right to spend what I earn? Parents may say: “Did I spend so much to give a good education to my daughter finally to be a slave to a man?”. Some parents warn their children as soon as they get married to be very careful with their parents-in-law.

So I am going to answer these questions on the basis of how Peter and John solved their dilemma when told by the Jewish rulers not to preach anymore in the Name of Jesus. They said, “Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God’s sight to obey you rather than God. For we cannot help speaking about what we gave seen and heard” (Acts4:19-20).

God’s design is that the husband is under the headship of Christ and directing his wife and children according to God’s laws and principles. If the husband is not properly submitting to Christ, he may make ungodly decisions. In that case, the wife reports directly to the Head – Christ. Ephesians chapter 5 and 6 gives several examples of God’s order in society and in the home.

• “Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
• “Husbands, love your wives…” (Ephesians 5:25)
• “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…” (Ephesians 6:1)
• “Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath…” (Ephesians 6:4)
• “Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters…” (Ephesians 6:5)

According to Genesis 2:18, a wife is a suitable helper for her husband. A married couple becomes one flesh and must work as a team (Genesis 1:26 ). To illustrate, a team player must submit to the guidance of his coach. A good coach guides the team in strategy and utilizes the strengths of the players for the success of the team. A gifted player may debate a point with his coach, but there comes a point when, if they continue to disagree, the player must submit to his coach. Likewise, the wife, at times, must put aside her disagreements and follow the lead of her husband, whom God has placed in her life as the head.

Scripture does not define submission as mindless obedience to a husband’s every wish or demand. Nor is it avoiding an argument at all cost. Instead, submission is a deep commitment to a person. It is choosing to work with one’s mate in a way that promotes oneness. A married couple becomes one flesh and must work as a team (Genesis 1:26 ). Constant fighting and arguing works against a couple trying to become unified.

A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).

Marriage, according to God’s design, is a relationship that returns love for love, service for service. Husbands and wives love and sacrifice for one another differently. Husbands love their wives by protecting, cherishing, and serving them. Wives submit to their husbands out of respect and love. Both the husband and the wife are given vast opportunities to show Christ’s love to one another. It is not always easy, but marriages can best reflect God’s redemptive work in our lives by following the principles of Christlike love and submission.

In other words the relationship between a husband and wife is quite unlike the relationships that either of them have with anybody else because the marriage relationship is not just two separate persons engaged in shared activities, but is also the conjoining of two persons at a deeper emotional and spiritual level.

My answer to this question would be

• If the woman has been formed from him then it follows that she and he share the same basic nature and characteristics. Since she is formed to be his helper, it follows that she is not his slave. And since both are one flesh, they are equal partners.
• There is no question of “obedience” between husband and wife. But the wife should be submissive to her husband since he is the leader (or captain) of the family. That is, the husband is in charge of the family. So a wife is to give her husband the same honor and respect she would give to God.
• When the woman earns more, it does not mean that she is more powerful than her husband. But according to the Bible, husband takes the headship of a relationship. The wife may be earning more, gifted in so many things, yet she will have to accept the leadership with her respectful obedience and submissive attitude. The fact is, that the gently submissive wife is helping to create a peaceable, calm and non threatening environment in which her husband feels at ease to question and criticize his own attitudes and to listen to her challenges. One more fact to be remembered is that since both are one flesh, there is no “your money and my money” in a Christ centered family. In short, God has united a man and a woman in Holy marriage to be intimate and transparent in the presence of Almighty God since He is seeking godly offspring.